This is something really cute that I found in my email inbox this morning.
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT..
It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors ...... so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Opening Song: Follow a Prophet CS 110
Opening Prayer:
Scriptures: Genesis 6-8; Leviticus 11
Lesson: “Noah and the Ark,” Tambuli, Liahona Sep 1984, 4
God told Noah that he was going to bring a flood to the land, “Behold, I will destroy all flesh from off the earth” and that Noah was to load his wife, his sons and his son’s wives onto the ark. Noah was commanded to load two of every unclean (female and male) animal onto the ark and seven clean animal onto the ark.
God told Noah that he was going to flood the earth and so it rained for 40 days and 40 nights covering the land and lofting the ark off the ground. The earth stayed flooded like this for 150 days. At the end of the 40 days Noah opened the window he built into the ark and sent forth a raven that flew to and fro until the waters were dried up on the earth. Noah also sent forth a dove.
The dove flew out and came back not having found any dry earth. Noah waited 7 days and then sent the dove out again; this time the dove came back with a olive tree limb. Noah waited another 7 days and then sent the dove out again; this time the dove did not return at all. Noah opened the cover of the ark and saw ground.
God spoke to Noah and commanded him to go forth with his wife, his sons and his sons’ wives and all the animals from the ark and, “be fruitful and multiply upon the earth.”
“In gratitude, Noah built an altar unto the Lord. He knew he had been truly blessed. To show his gratitude, Noah sacrificed one of each of the clean animals and birds as an offering to the Lord. In this sacred way Noah thanked the Lord for saving him and his family and for preserving life on the earth. In prayer Noah asked the Lord never to destroy the earth again with flood. Noah’s prayer was answered; the Lord promised Noah that He would never again destroy the entire earth by flood. From that time forth the rainbow would be a symbol of that promise.” was traveling in a wagon train with his family. One morning when they awoke in the morning to hook up their wagon, their oxen were missing. They searched all over. Soon the wagon train could not wait and had to leave without them. They continued searching everywhere and could not find them.
Activity:
Noah says: You have all been invited to come on the Ark, but there are only certain things that you can take with you. Take turns around in a circle and call out what you would like to bring . Pam may want to bring some pancakes; that would be great to eat Joey may think that's a great idea and want to bring some syrup with it but he can't. But he can bring some jam; whereas Susan can bring some syrup. The goal of the game is to bring items only that start with the first letter in your name. The players will not get it at first and you may need to do a few rounds. (make sure players only bring one item at a time as they go around the circle). Players who figure it out should be told not to say anything. - Palmquist Family
Put various animal by-products in a brown bag before sitting down to have the lesson. You could put leather in from a cow, yarn from a goat or sheep or llama or any other object that we have because of animals. Then right after the lesson pull out the objects and have your family try and guess what animal they came from and then tell how much of a difference it is for us that that animal has given for us.
Closing Song: We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet Hymns 19
Closing Prayer:
